integra (integra1296) wrote in websitereviewer,
integra
integra1296
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Review for 'Ordinary girl"

Webmaster: Missati DeValois
URL: http://jadematsuri.aolsl.com/enter.html


first impression: 5/5

When I first saw the splash page I thought it's very.....blue.
Though, I do like the colors. Blue and black are one of my favorite color combinations.

layout: 5/5

The layout is great. Like I said before I like the color combo. I also like how the navigation buttons stand out from the rest of the page.

organization : 4/5

The organization is a bit loose. I would suggest putting your character bio's into a single sub section and branching off from there.

content : 5/5

I love the content, it's absolutely perfect for a personal site, It shows who you are well. I especially enjoyed reading the Jade Matsuri page.

ability to understand :4/5

When I first started reading the bio's I wasn't to sure what they were for.....

errors :: 2/5
When you enter the page it comes up as a small box and most of the word "anything" from "Anything but ordinary." gets cut off.

The "back" link brings it to the Main page with out the navigation bar.

The navigation boxes opens another page which gets a bit annoying.

Spelling errors

you had alot of careless spelling errors

in the Jade Matsuri page (http://jadematsuri.aolsl.com/matsuri.html)

"These spells generate heat enough to burn human mouths, blistering the throat and ruining the voice if enough spells are spoken in succession. A distinctive smell also arises from the prescence of Free Magic, a strong, metallic tang instantly identifiable."

Change bold to: "presence"


"As was her duty as the sole survivor of the Matsuri Dynasty's Royal Family, she had to create heirs. Born into royalty, raised by commoners, and trained to kill. Jade's long life has beeen full of angst, love and lost love, violence, war, and moments of boredom. At the age of sixteen, her exceptional skill with a blade landed her into a guild of trained mercenaries for hire. At the top of her class, Jade grew well known real fast, pursued not only by the authorities for some of her missions but by obsessed fans. One of these fans being someone she feared, hated, and eventualy grew to love. His name was Shango Urashima, Prince of Shadows. His unrelenting obsession to posses Jade, to collar her, to make her his, grew into a passionate love when he realized just who Ms. Matsuri was. In her prome (which is now), she is currently single with two healthy daughters already full grown. Jean Sahandarian and Nicole Sahandarian. Jean was born a Garou, Nicole born a Celestia."

Change bold to: "been", eventually", and "prime"

"Jade grew tired of living her life as a mercenary and began to study heavy Necromancy under the tutalege of the Abhorsen. Eventually of course, Jade was forced to take her master's place when he died. Now the once charismatic woman full of life and ahealthy glow, is not a tall, pale, and moody woman. Trips in to Death have made her htis way and the weight of the Bells is quite heavy for a young Necromancer. She has perfected this into an artform however is one of Death's favored assisstants. Unlike most Necromancers however, she works to keep those that already Dead, at rest, as oppose to raising Dead for her bidding..."

Change bold to: "tutelage", " a healthy", "this", and "assistance"

"Jade travels occasionally between RhyDin and her homeland Sukufan. She is not looking for naything in particular, having exhausted al her options. She stays in a small cottage in the woods while in RhyDin, and in Mahdris, the capital of Sukufan, when in her homeland."

Change bold to: "anything"

"These forests are where Kade and Jade met for the first time a few miles from Madhris’ Northern Gate. (Note: They are married in a seperate SL, so disregard the husband part.)"

Change bold to: "separate"

"Since RhyDin is a realm all on its own, Sukufan will be across the ocean. (I'm improvizing here. RhyDin is actually a planet. ^^;;; )"

Change bold to: "improvising"

In the Marcellus page (http://jadematsuri.aolsl.com/marcellus.html)

"She enroleld into boarding school. all was well for a while and Missati elevated as a child prodigy, with a shrewd head for business and a double edged tongue that could make even the strongest of men cry."

Change bold to: "enrolled"

"Missati was the youngest girl in her grade but the most intelligent and witty. She was a natural introvert, always had her nose in books that seemed to be much too advanced for her age group. She had been taugh tthat the key to greatness was knowledge and knowledge was power.

Change bold to: "taught that"

"Then, suddenly, she was called back. The money flow had stopped suddenly and she was back at the Marcellus mansion, watching her faimly pack everything up. Missati's cozy world was shattered for what she thought was forever..."

Change bold to: "family"

"The Marcellus family was torn apart by poverty. Leon and Luciano vanished form her life yet again and Missati took her share of her money to put herself thorugh shcool. There, she met her savior, her friend, her confident, Henry DeSoto."

Change bold to: "through school"

"The Microsoft of Nucelar Power. Soon the Marcellus Misanthrope was born, growing richer and richer by the day. Now she was ready. Her debut back into high society wa sglamourous and now she is one of the most respected names in politics and science..."

Change bold to: "Nuclear" and "was glamorous"


"Word reached Missati that Luciano was dead. Missati did not shed a tear. If anything, she was relieved. Luciano had become infamous on the streets and had not really liked Missati or Leon, thinking them weak and worthless and not worhty of the Marcellus name."

"As if by chance she had been called to the Order of the Cross Bones, her brother had been apart of the ORder at the time and she too kthe first flight to America to see him."

"When she happened upon him he had been Senschal of the Order ,a doppleganger ,and a mysterious one at that."

Change bold to: "worthy", "order" "took the", "Seneschal" and "doppelganger"

"He hada silver tongue, a biting wit, and a big heart despite his lineage. The Desoto family owned a large chain of businesses specializing in resteraunts."

"Henry agreed to assisst her and has been ever since."

Change bold to: "had a", "Restaurants" and "assist"

((Mun note: The pictures that are not of me belong to the respective models/artists and are used to help you imagine what these characters look like. They are not being used for profit. These two characters are moder realistic/modern fantasy only.))

Change bold to: "modern"

On the "Atsuraya" page (http://jadematsuri.aolsl.com/atsuraya.html)

"Bloody Bronze's bloody rampage overran the world of Mira. Yuwaku returned home to find her people desolute and decrepid."

Change bold to: "dissolute" and "decrepit"

"Now she and Bronze are locked in a neverending feud. If one dies, then the other one would fall. Yuwaku is now stuck fighting for a vengance that would never come. Perhaps she would be able to end it all soon..."

Change bold to: "vengeance"


In the rules page (http://jadematsuri.aolsl.com/rules.html)

"-AND NO HERMS. SHE-MEN. OR TRANNIES. You can go pedal that sick fetish elsewhere. I'm not into it, what the hell makes you thinks my character would even be interested in simple conversation with a woman who wantss ny character to suck her dick? Didn't think so."

Change bold to: "wants my"

"*If you're holding a grudge against this mun, this mun would like to know why. If you don't care to explain it to me, I'll hang you out to dry and won't feel bad afterwards. Also, if you're holding a grudge against this mun OOC, don't take it out on me IC because my character would be likely to embarass yours most horribly."

Change bold to: "embarrass"

"*If our characters fight (TBL) and I lose, don't ask me to delete my fucking SN. I will embarass you OOC and then have your punk ass ToSed or something. I will also begin posting wins and kills on this site when I start seeing some good RP out there in AOL's hellish chatrooms."

Change bold to: again "embarrass"

On the "origin" page (http://jadematsuri.aolsl.com/origin.html)

"Greyoko was not the first to have been possessed by the Goddess. Occassionally Shanindola would possess the other Guardians as well. Now, the Angels usually draw their power from their places of origina."

Change bold to: "origin"

"I did all that in third, fourth, and fifth grade. Inspired by Ryoko's gems in Tenchi Muyo! I had Shango create five gems to keep Kitana immortal and alive being that Kitana was half human half angel. Jade promised to let Kitana be raised by Shango at age six in exchange for the gems which were legend. They were caledthe Dark Destiny Zibotsu"

Change bold to: "called the"

"Leviathan was a Necromancer. Jade was still just an angelic assassin. Jade was soon forced to be under Leviathan's suspicious eye when he invited her to dinner a few times. It was jus tthe two of them. Jade was always a sucker for a younger man. Soon, at the price of him teaching her the dark art of Necromancy, Leviathan stopped suspecting her and soon became her teacher and lover. They never married howevr, for the two became bitter enemies when he found out who Jade was."

Change bold to: "just the" and "however"


bonus : 5/5
Bonus! There are a lot of things that I would give you bonus points for One is your writing ability. Like mentioned before I especially enjoyed reading the bio for Jade Matsuri and the history page. and second, is your amazing range of musical taste. Just the fact that you like Jrock gives you cool points in my book.

Total: 30/35 Great site
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